My son, Joseph Strom, entered a speech competition for original prose this past weekend. He took first place and I think you will see why in this funny, insightful justice prose.
Once upon a time, in a forgotten land of rhyme:
In this land took place all the fairy tale stories, with their ups and their downs- their detailed glories.
Allow me (your handsome narrator) to with you traverse, a special untold tale in this tacky, wacky universe.
You might have heard the basics of this one before, but I’m here to tell you there has always been more.
Truly, what you know and have heard isn’t what it may seem, for there is a part of this story which has been left unseen.
Our protagonist today is a very different kind of hero- no, not Robert DeNiro.
He’s an ordinary guy, just like you or I.
His astute and vital, most glorious title:
Greg the Egg
By: Joseph Strom
In a long gone town in a long gone place lived a ridiculed riddle; embarrassed and broken, he dare not show his face.
His name you might know, he is fairly famous, he was naturally white as snow, too bad he was an ignoramus.
His name: Humpty Dumpty- you may know him quite well, so, without further ado, his story I’ll tell.
Humpty Dumpty was the mayor of fairy tale city, he was pretty and witty and loved a good subcommittee.
There was only one problem, well, more than a few, starting with his face- it was an odd orange hue.
Then there was most of all his scary world view, it caused in the town a large hullabaloo.
You see, Humpty Dumpty wanted to build a wall, and with his stubby egg hands he motioned to say: “We’ll build it this tall”.
He wanted it built because over the hills and across the valley was unicorn land, who’s inhabitants he didn’t actually care to understand.
He didn’t like them, even when they lent a helping hand (it was probably because they were a little more tanned).
Now most people knew this must be wrong, the unicorns had been fun and kind and magical all along.
And so enters our protagonist, foil to our orange egg antagonist.
Greg the egg was an ordinary guy, he had a job, a family, and loved apple pie.
Like most fairy tale creatures thought more and more, Greg never cared much about policy or politics before.
But Humpty Dumpty wasn’t the most popular dude. He was crude, lewd, and crowds always booed.
Yet somehow he won, and that was no fun, the election was over- they thought all was said and done.
Still something felt wrong to our good friendly Greg, all that emotion just boiled and really poached his egg.
The unicorns were fun and cool and good with a tool, why’d he need a wall? Humpty looked like a fool.
So Greg hatched a plan to make it all right, to save the day from the dark wretched night.
He knew Humpty (like any good aristocrat), was lazy and tired- loved to sit and was fat.
Greg happened to work at a chair making shop, and he figured he could swap a good seat for a prop.
Greg made a faulty chair and went to city hall, where he walked right up to a secretary and to the young lady did call:
“Do you know if the mayor is finishing his wall? I’ve got the greatest chair that’ll last the long haul.”
Said the sassy secretary to the conniving egg: “sir I do implore, what does the mayor even need this for?”
“Well, I figure he’ll want a grand opening ceremony, and a good seat for his butt, which I’ll bet is quite bony.”
She replied: “Will it cost any money for my boss the megalomaniac? Because I’ll tell you right now he doesn’t pay his workers back.”
“No, no, no, it’s a gift and nothing more, as long as he knows he can use that seat on his wall when he gets sore.”
And so it was delivered at the taxpayers’ expense, to the great big wall supposedly for the peoples’ defense.
When the wall was completed, the last brick put in place, Mr. Dumpty greeted every tired worker’s face.
He toured it all and took more pictures still, inviting even the king to take part in the thrill.
The people were quiet and sad. How, they thought, did it all get so bad?
When all was over and the ribbon was cut, humpty dumpty just wanted to sit on his butt.
So atop the wall he walked and he strode, until he got to the spot where his special seat was bestowed.
What happens next is best in slow motion, for we wouldn’t want to miss all the commotion.
The mean, orange egged mayor looked long and proud, at the wall he was on and the (greatly exaggerated) size of his crowd.
But when he sat in his seat he gave out a cry, truly all who were there thought he was about to die.
His chair gave out, the legs split in two, he flopped like a trout, and his fake hairdo went eschew.
Then tipped on his side he rolled and- as all the fairy tale viewers allege- he spun and bounced right off the walls edge.
The next day all the newspapers decided to say:
“Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”
The mayor was disgraced forever, when asked if he’d return to the job he said “never”.
All that mattered to him were the cracks on his shell, and he knew if he was in public everyone could tell.
And so the wall was torn down and families reunited, all while Humpty Dumpty was (for several counts of tax evasion) indicted.
So we see with the help of our hero in this story, the not so subtle meaning of this allegory.
Now maybe we shouldn’t necessarily go make faulty chairs, but even as ordinary people we ought to care more about our leaders’ affairs.
We never hear about Greg the egg and his own contribution, but we can all make a difference with a little constitution.
Fairy tale creatures learned to love their unicorn neighbors; they even helped with all sorts of extra labors.
To live in peace and love and unity, and act like a real community, doesn’t just have to be in dumb made up stories of old- we can do it right here, that isn’t too bold.
I implore you dear listener to give it a try, to be involved like Greg- it doesn’t take a keen eye.
When you see an injustice or anything wrong, speak up and help out, make sure everyone feels they belong.
From our good friend Greg, we can all learn a little, we can be better than our leaders and choose not to belittle.
But enough with this lecture on the steep deeper meaning, I hope to avoid this seeming demeaning.
So go live life to the fullest, be kind and be true, know that no leader is permanent, no matter how new.
Day in and day out choose to do what is right, never let the weird example of Greg out of your sight.
But enough with this poem, that’s all I have penned, with that I thank you and bid you the end.